Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
