Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
