So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
