Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
