I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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