sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
