Midget sex pt 2 tonight
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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