The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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