Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
