I wish they made helmets for livers.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
