It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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