Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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