everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
