so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
