and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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