I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
