I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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