I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
