I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
