I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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