it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
