I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
