I puked a lego.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
