Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
