hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
