just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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