Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
