I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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