ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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