You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
