I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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