Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
