you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
