sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
