If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Did I show you my penis last night?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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