from now on my penis is your penis
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Your penis caused this!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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