Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
