you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
