If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
