great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
