You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
