it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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