She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
