I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
