I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this boner is exhausting
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
