I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Small penises have feelings too.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
