I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it hurts more in the daytime
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
