in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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