there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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