And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
